So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
