no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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