I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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