Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
