I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
