You work out of a Hotel?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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