I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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