Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
