I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there was a trapeze. enough said
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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