can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
