I bet he comes in French.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
