Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
