Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
