I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i need some magic done to my vagina
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
