let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
