Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
