She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
