If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
