i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
