no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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