it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
