they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
