Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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