last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
