I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
