The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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