an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
