Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
