My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
