Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we're so committed to being not committed
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
