I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
