I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
