Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
