so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
