please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
