i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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