i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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