Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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