"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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