____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
