I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
