TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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