If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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