dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
