You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have fence marks all over my body
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
