He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Found the puke drawer
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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