So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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