I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
