Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
