my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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