I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize