I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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