you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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