I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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