Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
