The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
