We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
