Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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