drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
