I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
