His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
