Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
