My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
