so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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