he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
