...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
