she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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