I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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