Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
grandma shit on top of the toilet
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
