I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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